PATE ON A CRUMPET!: December 09 - January 10

A month late we may be, but HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all! Did you have a good Christmas and New Year? Apologies once again for being lazy and not updating the blog for ages but better late than never, right? Well here’s what we’ve been doing over the past couple of months; it’s been one celebration after another!

The run up to Christmas was filled with festivities, as it should be! We were both a bit apprehensive about our first Christmas away from home, so made a special effort to keep up holiday traditions. We got a massive tree (my first ever real Christmas tree!!) and with our housemates decorated it with the dollar store’s finest decorations. Reliving our childhood didn’t end there as we made paper snowflakes to make up for the fact that it’s only snowed here once since we arrived; I hear it was quite a different story back home!

We also made a night time visit to Capilano Suspension Bridge, one of Vancouver’s biggest tourist attractions. The bridge is over 120 years old and for the Christmas period they lit up the whole park with fairy lights. Crossing the bridge is one of the few memories I have from when I visited Vancouver as a child, so I wasn’t too bothered by the 200-foot drop into the gorge below. Unfortunately Lucy couldn’t say the same, and almost sprinted across after some kids started rocking the bridge as we began to cross. By the time we headed back though she’d composed herself enough to enjoy it!

So by Christmas morning we were ready for some gifts to exchange hands and Lucy and I spent the morning swapping presents. She did me proud with (amongst other things) an amazing tin of treats that included Reece’s Pieces, Hershey’s chocolate, Lindt snowballs, jelly beans, toblerone and literally a million other things…suffice to say it was gone in less than a week! In return I got her a stocking full of goodies including a bottle of wine, some Canadian souvenirs and a pair of VERY fetching slippers, as well as some MAC eye shadow bringing her tally up to 27 different shades (I wish I was joking but I’m really not!)

After Skypeing family and friends we headed to Kerri’s house--Kerri is Scottish and likes to flash her fufu at anyone who will look, she is a disgrace to the great name of Kestrel but we love her anyway--where about 10 of us (all on working visa’s from the UK) pitched in to make an awesome Christmas dinner. Lucy and I were in charge of the pigs in blankets, which we made from scratch (no frozen crap here!) and cranberry sauce that came courtesy of the deli of dreams. Naturally we all overindulged and not only polished of a starter and an enormous turkey, but also consumed a massive trifle and two trays of the most amazing chocolate brownies I’ve ever known. Following the feast we spent about 5 hours playing the most ridiculously addictive celebrity name game ever. Me and Lucy won 2 out of the 4 rounds and were runners up the two times we lost; clearly all those years of reading ‘heat’ magazine have paid off!

Before we knew it New Years Eve was upon us, and it’s always a bit hit or miss. We’ve had some pretty awesome ones over the past few years: musicals karaoke and sailing the canals of Manchester on a barge, anyone? So the pressure was on to make it an extra special one this year. We ended up in a little club with a 13-piece live band and it was a really great night. I must admit that I’m struggling to recall many of the night’s events but I do seem to remember Lucy crashing the stage during an epic rendition of Hey Jude, a few cheeky New Year’s kisses, and doing a lot of push ups. The last one is down to what’s known in our house as ‘The Game of Life’. The rules are simple, but if I tell them to you it means you have to play. Intrigued? Basically if anyone is prompted to say the word M-I-N-E then they have to drop and do 10 push ups for every time they said the word, it doesn’t matter where it happens, the rules of the game must be followed. After you’ve been playing for a while, you begin to notice when people are trying to catch you out and you get accustomed to saying alternates like ‘that belongs to me,’ however after a couple of drinks you become far more likely to forget, hence why I spent a decent portion of the night on my hands and knees as seen in the picture below!

After New Years it was back to the routine of regular life for the long month of January, which has actually flown by. It’s hard to believe that we’re almost a third of the way through our year here! However the party wasn’t completely over as we still had two very special birthdays to celebrate. The first was for our housemate Kate who turned 26 on the 3rd. It’s testament to the kind of girl Kate is that for her 26th birthday she celebrated with an ice-cream cake, piñata, sparklers, board games, and a pink unicorn called Jeffrey! Both her and Josh (who are boyfriend and girlfriend and love each other very much, and are going to get married one day) really are the best housemates we could have hoped for.

The second birthday of the month belonged to none other that our very own Lucy Madden. The old bird turned 23 on January 21st and it was a day to remember indeed. Naturally, Lucy being Lucy the celebrations were stretched out all week long. We began with a hilarious night at Vancouver’s top Drag Show where the ‘ladies’ were out in force to celebrate with us, and my goodness it’s a long time since either of us have let loose on a dance floor like we did that night; pretty sure I pulled a couple of muscles flailing around to ‘Telephone’ by Beyoncé and Gaga (and maybe ‘Party in the USA’ too!)

The following day (hangover aside) Lucy awoke to a birthday morning treasure hunt in order to find all her presents. I can’t think of what considerate friend would take the time to go to all that trouble! And the birthday treats didn’t end there. Kitted out in her new jeggings flown over directly from Topshop, and a rather fashionable Urban Outfitters cardigan courtesy of previously mentioned amazing friend who shall remain nameless, Lucy headed off to the Aquarium which has officially become my favourite place in the whole of Vancouver. Seriously it makes the London Aquarium look like your local pet shop. We saw a live shark feeding, BELUGA whales, an awesome dolphin show, parrots, crocodiles, snakes, frogs, spiders, and a really amazing 4D showing of the underwater episode of Planet Earth. It was all in 3D and then while you’re watching they spray you in the face with water, and make the seats vibrate, and make things tickle your ankles under the seat to match what’s happening on the screen! So cool. We rounded the day off with birthday cupcakes and nice meal at our new favourite Mexican restaurant, where they gave Lucy a free tequila slammer with a sparkler in; they know how to celebrate over here I tell you! Finally the following weekend a messy night ensued as a final commemoration of Lucy’s coming of age and weeklong birthday was DONE!

And so we come to the end of the party season…for now anyway!

Miss you all lots! Danny and Lucy x

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUCY!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY shug!! With all my love and plenty of pate and crumpets. Danny xxx

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

First of all, an official apology for lack of updates on here and general poorness in replying to messages and emails. Things have been pretty busy here and up until last week we were still borrowing various different laptops as our only means of getting on the internet – at one point it got so bad that Lucy checked her Facebook on a sample laptop in an electronics store. However thanks to my wonderful father and the ever-reliable (and extortionate) FedEx, I’ve been reunited with my laptop. Seriously, there were practically tears in my eyes when it arrived – a reunion of old friends indeed. So now we’ve got no excuse not to keep you updated, and if you still find that we’re not replying to your messages then it probably is because we have better things to do with our time. Sorry!

So what have we been up to that’s kept us so busy you ask? Well sadly most of the week is taken up by work. We’ve both settled pretty well into our jobs. Lucy is now a certified expert at sorting post and answering the phone, however I’m told that her desk is always a mess and that there’s been a recent trend for callers to find themselves mysteriously forwarded to a random department when Lucy doesn’t know how to deal with their enquiries. Meanwhile 5 days a week on the Deli of Dreams is actually a lot more bearable than you might think, even with endless Christmas songs battering my ears for 8 hours a day! Now that I can tell the difference between my prosciutto and praga hams, and edamame and tabouleh salads (it’s been like learning a whole new language!) I’m getting on pretty well. And naturally my customer service skills are second to none, however that didn’t stop one elderly female customer from calling me retarded. Yes, you did read that right. This white-haired, bespectacled, barely 5-foot-tall old woman came to order some food, and as I was packaging it I accidentally broke the box; not a problem, just transfer it to another box, right? Apparently not. The old bag responded by marching behind the deli counter and claiming that this was typical of ‘my generation’ and that just like the Egyptians forgot how to build the pyramids, we’re going to forget how to run society. She then ordered me to tape the box up and muttered “your generation, what are you, retarded?” Perhaps it was karma for the time last Christmas that I called a different old woman a ‘stuck-up old cow’ while shopping in Manchester. I know it was wrong but she really deserved it!




Moving away from my ongoing battle with grannies the world over, let’s talk about Christmas. Last week we had one of the most Christmassy days ever! We headed downtown to Stanley Park (which is a massive park in the middle of the city if you don’t know) where a whole section has been closed off and lit up with approximately one billion fairy lights. We paid $8 to go on the Christmas train and sang along to carols as we chugged along the tracks looking at all the lights. Then we ate roasted chestnuts and saw some racoons before finally having a look at the animals in the kids’ zoo, it was a magical night! We also bought an advent calendar for each of our housemates, and with much excitement came to open the first door on December 1st only to discover that the chocolate tasted like it was at least three Christmases out of date! I wasn’t expecting Belgian’s finest, I love advent calendar chocolate, but it was really the most disgusting chocolate I’ve ever eaten. Funnily enough none of us have opened past door number 2!



Another highlight of the past few weeks came just last night, as Lucy, myself and our friend Jess ventured to the Kingdom of Gaga, seeing the Lady herself at the Queen Elizabeth Theatre. I must admit that it’s taken me a while to really get the whole Gaga thing, but it was a great show and definitely ranks among some of the best gigs I’ve been to. It was everything you’d expect from one of her shows: crazy costumes, some random chat and a genuinely good performance. Lucy’s put loads of pics on Facebook so if you’re curious then go take a look.

Before I forget, I feel I should mention that it hasn’t rained here for about 10 days! I was so convinced it would never stop that I had resigned myself to not see the sun for at least several months, but somehow (despite near-freezing temperatures) the weather has been so dry and actually sunny that I haven’t been caught out in the rain for nearly two weeks! It even meant that on my day off last week I managed to make it to the beach in Kitsilano which is only a 10-minute bus ride away from our house. I’ve always wanted to live somewhere near the sea, and as soon as the sun shines it’s clear that Vancouver really is a beautiful city; the mountains, the sea, every where’s clean, and best of all, there are no chavs…anywhere!

Sadly there’s still not been any snow in the city, however Lucy did make it up to Whistler and saw lots of it. Unfortunately I was working but she can tell you a bit about it…

Hello blog lovers! So last weekend was full of “Canada firsts” for me. It was my first trip on the infamous Greyhound Buses, the first time I felt like I saw the real Canada (mountains, forests etc) and the first time I saw any Canadian SNOW!! I’ve been holding out for the snow since I got here so you can imagine I was rather excited about the prospect of seeing tons of the stuff! Whistler is such a beautiful Christmassy place..imagine wooden buildings (cant think of a better word …lodges?!!), mountains everywhere you look and a cosy village feel. It was bloody freezing though and I’m not sure my attire of a skirt and tights on the Saturday night was the best idea…needless to say the excuse I used for drinking was to warm me up! My favourite activity while I was there was taking the gondola up the mountain and then taking another ‘peak2peak’ gondola between two mountains. The views were amazing although I could only literally spend two seconds outside before my whole body was numb from the wind and below zero temperatures. That was soon sorted though with an extremely tasty mug of hot chocolate which I drunk while taking in the impressive views from inside! As you can imagine I was really sad to be heading back to Vancouver on the Sunday especially after I failed to spot any celebrities (Paris Hilton had previously been sighted all around the village the weekend before) but with it only being a two hour bus journey I’m sure I will be heading back soon!

Well this entry is more than long enough already. I promise to write more regularly now that we’ve really got no excuses! Oh, just time for one more story. Perhaps the funniest moment of the last few weeks came courtesy of Miss Lucy Madden herself (what a surprise!) when on a night out she disgraced herself publicly by downing a shot only to have it reprise itself mere moments later…all over the bar. It all happened so quick it was like a blur of shot glasses and vomit, naturally after finishing off in the men’s toilets (the queue for the women’s was too long!) she was swiftly kicked out. Hilarious.

Leave a comment if you miss us…

Halloween, Hummus and a Pirate Ship...

Somehow the one month mark is already upon us despite the fact that it seems like we only left home a couple of weeks ago. Since I last wrote on here things are looking up a lot. Of course we’re both still having an amazing time, and despite the weather (which I promise not to moan about too much but it honestly never stops raining!) we haven’t really been homesick at all.

This is mostly down to the fact that we’re out of that crazy hostel. No more vomit-man, no more randy couples, and no more bed bugs—during our last week there I’d wake up each day covered in bites and spend the rest of the day scratching; who knows maybe there’s someone else in the hostel writing on their travel blog about the weird guy who spent all day scratching himself inappropriately.


So we have a house, and it’s incredibly cool. Located in the trendy suburb of Kitsilano, our new home is a far cry from the swanky downtown apartments we looked at. Instead of a roof terrace we have an Enchanted Forest, over underfloor heating we opted for a dodgy boiler and icy drafts, and rather than a built in gym we chose an inbuilt pirate ship!! In case you’re wondering the pirate ship isn’t actually a pirate ship, but a loft conversion where Lucy will be sleeping that can only be entered through a hatch at the top of a little ladder. Despite the fact you can’t stand up straight it’s pretty cool and on a clear day you get awesome views of the mountains in the distance.

On top of all that we have three amazing new housemates who you can see in the pic with us above. Josh, Kate and Adam are all Aussies who couldn’t be more laidback and have already made us feel really at home. They also like a drink and I’m starting to think that even with several years of student life in Manchester under our belts, it’s going to be a struggle to keep up with the way they like to party!!


For Halloween (which is HUGE over here – by midday there were people dressed up everywhere in costumes which ranged from Bruno lederhosen to PVC catsuits!) I got to carve my first ever pumpkin, dress up as an Egyptian mummy, and with our new roomies got kicked out of one house party and then had an awesome time at another. We took along a few of our BUNAC friends that we met on the flight and showed them how the Brits do it! Let’s just say that between the lot of us we can just about piece together the general events of the night and it seems a good time was had by all.

So how does it feel to finally have somewhere to call home I hear you ask? Well it feels pretty good now but it took a few days to settle in. When we first arrived we knew there would be a couple of extra people around the house, however we weren’t expecting to find a total of 14 people all sleeping in our little 4 bed house! Literally if there was room in a bed, on a sofa, or even just a bit of space on the floor, someone was sleeping on it! This meant that for the first week Lucy and I not only had to continue sharing a room, but also got to share a bed!!

I swear we’re no longer two people, but just have one life shared between two bodies. Up until the last couple of days we’ve done everything together, and I mean EVERYTHING!!!! They say you never really get to know someone until you travel with them and it’s true; Lucy’s learned that I hate to lose at cards and sometimes sleep talk, and I’ve learned that Lucy takes almost an hour to do her hair and sometimes sleep farts!

However our dual life is luckily coming to an end (I’m not sure how much more bickering our friendship can take!) as we both have jobs!! Lucy, who started work this week, is working on the front desk in an office for a paraplegic charity in a role which I believe is known in the business world as the ‘Phone Bitch’; in other words she answers the phone, sorts the mail and for the other 7 hours of the days she sits on Facebook or Youtube doing absolutely nothing! I, on the other hand, will be doing some real work as Vancouver’s newest deli clerk. Yes, you did read that right. I’ll be serving sushi and hummus to food snobs who prefer to shop in a health food and organic produce store than a real supermarket. To be fair the food they sell is amazing and I’m sure that when I’m dishing out the olives it’ll be difficult not to do ‘one for you, one for me!’ I had to get a Hepatitis A shot before they’d let me start, but my first shift is Friday so I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.


Well I think that just about covers it, other than the fact that I’m addicted to the trash TV over here. The View (a bit like a US version of Loose Women), Ellen Degeneres, The Tyra Banks Show, Dog the Bounty Hunter, and So You Think You Can Dance are just a few of my new favourite TV shows. Leave a comment if you miss us...

Oh, Canada! Our home and native land!

So we've hit the 2 week mark and Lucy and I are still homeless and jobless, and if we’re not careful we’ll soon be penniless too! However despite our unsuccessful attempts to get the Canadian public to believe we’re reputable employees who would be an asset to their fine companies, we’ve still been having a pretty awesome time! And considering we’ve barely spent a single hour apart for 2 solid weeks I think the fact that we’ve not come to physical blows yet is an achievement in itself!

To keep things short, and because everyone loves a good list, here are a few of our first impressions of the great city that we’re to call ‘home’ for the next year…

1. THE SIZE
Vancouver is a massive city. I used to think Manchester was pretty big there’s really no comparison. Here everything’s really spread out; several times we’ve walked until we could physically walk no more, only to realize we’d covered the most insignificant distances on the map. But I guess it’s to be expected when you’re living in a city that offers the variety of sandy beaches, enormous skyscrapers, a huge national park and breathtaking snow-capped mountains.

2. THE SIGHTS
Along with the endless hours applying for jobs and viewing houses, we have managed to do a bit of sightseeing. On one of very few sunny days we ventured into the famous Stanley Park to see the totem poles and some awesome views of the two sides of the city separated by the bay. We saw the steaming clock in Gastown and ventured (bravely!) into the less attractive East Hastings and Chinatown. Another day we tried out Granville Market which is an enormous marketplace with the most amazing array of fresh food: fruit and veg, seafood, incredible cakes, local delicacies and loads more. It was a cruel punishment to go knowing we couldn’t spend any money but as soon as there’s a pay check on the way I’m sure we’ll be back down there buying lobsters and cream cakes aplenty! We’ve also made the most of our current location in the Downtown area, checking out the shops and some great bars, the clubs here are a bit of a letdown ($16 entry is standard!) but there’s loads of live music every week and they even do a Brit night every Thursday!

3. THE HOSTEL
So until we find our own place we’re living the dream in a hostel. It has its perks: it’s cheap, it’s central, and the free breakfast is a great way to start the day. However if you actually want a place where you can get a decent night’s sleep, then a youth hostel is not for you! In just two weeks we’ve met enough freaks and weirdoes to last a lifetime. Our first roomies were a young German couple who clearly felt that a bunk bed in a shared bedroom was the perfect place to consummate their passion for each another, and gave Lucy something to remember after she walked in on their sordid act! However this doesn’t really compare to a girl who the other day got kicked out of the hostel by police after she was caught having sex in the hostel kitchen…yes, you did read that right!!
Then there was a whole week when we were woken every morning at 6am by the sound of wretching coming from the bathroom. At first we thought it was just someone feeling the effects of the night before, until it happened again…and again, and it came to our attention that a disgusting fat old man was making himself sick everyday. He had a plaster cast on his arm that was so dirty it had turned black and brown around his hand, and everyday he would eat plate after plate of cooked ham…no wonder he was sick!! Whenever he sat in the communal areas of the hostel there’d always be a several meter radius where no one would sit. There’s a reason they call it a YOUTH hostel! These sorts of people should be refused entry, I honestly can’t describe how gross it was.

4. THE WEATHER
It may be the warmest spot in Canada, but Vancouver is also the wettest. Seriously, it rains here more than in England. You’d think we’d be used to it but when it doesn’t stop for 5 days straight you do begin to wonder if you’ll ever see the sun again! Also Lucy is desperate for some snow, and is sorely disappointed each morning when she looks out of the window all bright-eyed and hopeful to see that she must wait yet another day for the Snow Queen to visit.

5. THE TROLLEY MEN
This is a bit of an odd one, but I couldn’t write this without mentioning Vancouver’s unique Trolley Men. Homelessness is a big problem here, so much so that the government have no idea what to do when the Winter Olympics start early next year and even suggested shoving all the homeless people and prostitutes onto a luxury cruise ship for the duration of the events in order to have them off the streets (!) However the Trolley Men are a little different from your average tramp. They spend all day aimlessly wheeling old supermarket trolleys around Vancouver’s streets filled usually with empty cans and bottles. After a few days of seeing this odd behaviour, and there really is a lot of it going on; at certain times you can walk just three blocks and see a dozen of them scooting around, we realised that they’re collecting recyclable materials which they then recycle in exchange for money. Ingenious or what! Well if we don’t manage to find jobs then at least we can join the ranks of Trolley Men and earn our small fortune that way!
As well as TM there are also a number of other tramp varieties, including the Classic Hobo found in all good cities the world over, and a personal favourite, the Whiteboard Hobo. This more rare strain chooses to carry a little whiteboard around which they write slogans on like ‘I bet you $1 you read this sign’ and ‘Smile if you masturbate’. Lucy always smiles.

6. THE PRICES
The biggest shock we faced upon arrival in Canada was the cost of living here. The locals joke that the BC of British Columbia actually stands for ‘Bring Cash’ and it’s not hard to see why. They charge for everything here…$8 a month for a bank account, the highest rent and real estate prices in the whole country, charges to receive telephone calls and text messages as well as make them, $10 a month just to have Caller ID and Voicemail on your phone, hidden 5% GST tax added to all prices, and a whopping 15% tip on every drink you buy in a bar! No wonder there’s no credit crunch here…businesses must be booming the amount of money you end up spending on a daily basis! I could continue but I think you get the picture. However if you feel moved by what you’ve just read then cash donations will be happily received as we are unemployed and homeless in one of the most expensive cities in the Western world. It could be like sponsoring an African child, you can send us a cheque and in return we’d send you pictures of us looking happy and write letters in broken English about how grateful we are!

7. THE PEOPLE
So you’re probably getting a bit bored of reading this now (if you’re even still reading at all - especially after I’ve made fun of both homeless people and Third World children in one cruel swoop; I do have a heart honestly!) but I couldn’t stop writing without letting you know about some of the amazing locals who have already made an impact on our time here. Firstly there was an amazing Mexican woman called Paola who sold us our phones (not strictly a local but she does live here now). I have honestly never laughed so hard while getting royally ripped off in my life. It’s hard to describe just why she was so funny but every line that she came out with seemed to be more outrageous than the last. At one point she told us that she normally doesn’t trust white people and disliked Brits but having met us she was beginning to change her mind, then she offered to sublet the living room of her apartment to us, the whole while spitting with every ‘S’ sound she spoke. Now whenever we go past her booth in the shopping mall we say hello but politely declined her kind offer of living with her.

Then we made friends with our banker: Mayda Fong. It was about a week after arriving and the fruitless job/flat hunt was beginning to take its toll but meeting this unique woman of barely 4 feet tall as we opened our bank accounts was the pick-me-up that we both needed. She was the most friendly woman who we’ll probably never even see again but she will be remembered, so I feel a shout-out to Mayda on the blog is appropriate. She even has her own theme song.

Our third new friend is called Michelle and she’s a mid-thirties rocker who’s Vancouver born-and-bred. She showed us around our first house viewing…a 100 year old building home to 13 people from all around the world. The house itself was pretty amazing and exactly what a foreign gap year home should be, but sadly she’s turfing everyone out for a month in January during the Olympics so she could let it out to people for ridiculously inflated rates (we’re talking $200 a night for a crappy shoebox sized room!) However despite not being able to take the room, we had a great time looking round; mostly because Michelle was drunk when she showed us. She told us with a slurred Canadian accent that she’d just got back from a date and may have had one or two glasses of the old vino…an understatement if I ever heard one. She was clearly more than a little bit tipsy and proceeded to tell us about how she liked to tell guys she’s got a maple leaf tattoo on her bum and if they want to see it they have to ask her on a second date (I think Lucy is thinking of trying this line out now!). She also periodically screamed at the TV, enjoyed repeated use of the F-word and gave the middle finger to her housemates for supporting the wrong ice-hockey team. In other words she was bonkers, but she certainly made a lasting impression.

Also just in case you're wondering we have actually made some really nice normal friends too. For more pics have a look on Facebook.

So there you have it really. Our first two weeks in Canada in a (slightly longer than planned) nutshell. Leave us a comment if you’re missing us!! Love from Danny and Lucy xoxo

WELCOME

Hello!! Welcome to our new blog! As you should all already know, Lucy and I are fed up of the constant grey skies and rain of Manchester so we've decided to head to the second wettest city in the world: Vancouver! We're leaving on Wednesday 14th October for a whole year: ideally 6 months of work based in Vancouver followed by 6 months of backpacking across the Rockies and maybe even down the West Coast of America!

Obviously we're going to miss you all loads which is why we've created this blog to keep you updated on our travels and experiences as we undertake this incredible adventure! Expect to see all the pics, hear all the stories and of course get all the gossip right here! So PLEASE check back regularly, get involved and leave us a comment.

See you in a year!!
Danny